I'm overwhelmed by personal and community grief.  Less than 3 weeks ago our ninth teenager suicided here in our small community of 30,000.  Suicide is the 2nd or 3rd (depending on which state you live in) leading cause of death for this age group.  It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem but somehow our message to youth that their are other options to solving problems isn't getting through.  People are scared her.  His peers, his family, other parents, and general community members  fear their child may be affected.  Different agencies in our community want to help but people are frozen about what to do.  Our schools here are traditionally very pro-active thanks to our Critical incident Stress Management teaching that we have done in this community for years now.  Our team was invited into the high school and working with administrators and school counselors helped identify other students at risk in the hope to alleviate some of their stress and distress.  Parents were assisted in helping their children grieve and look for signs of distress in their own children.  We need to come together as a community and want to learn from other communities. What kinds of community interventions have your communities tried?

Don’t be fooled.  Summer is here – almost half over.  The sun is shining.  My kids are home.  I should be having a great time, right?  If you are feeling more stressed then this blog is for you!

Summer vacation started about a month ago and left many families with multiple conflicts including what to do with the children, how to find adequate daycare, affording adequate daycare, planning for a vacation that I may or may not be able to afford, and what to do with “tween children” those that are to old for a babysitter but way to young to be left alone.

Just so you don’t feel alone, a 2006 survey by the American Psychological Association (APA) reported that 53 percent of parents with children at home had a significant source of stress and were concerned by both money and the demands made by the children during summer.

There is tremendous social stress on families to increase time with children but that isn’t always possible during the summer months and families feel the stress.  Children are often MORE demanding and with the lack of structure of school make many, often whiny, demands on parents who can’t get time off and end up feeling guilty and may even question their adequacy as parents.  Stress related to summer break increases the unhealthy ways in which we deal with stress which might include drinking to much, overeating, not eating enough, over spending, irritability or downright grouchiness with our kids and/or significant others.  These are not good for us and we might want to consider some more effective strategies.

These strategies might be helpful for you:

-Understand how you experience stress – Everyone experiences stress in their own unique way.  What “red flags” do you have to let you know how stressed you really are?  Do your thoughts and behaviors change during stress or from the times when you do not feel stressed?  What are they?

 -Identify stressors – What events or specific situations trigger the stress for you?  What are they related to?  Be specific.  Allow yourself to know so that you can work to find a solution.  There are always solutions.

 -Recognize how you deal with stress – Identify what unhealthy behaviors you might be using to cope.  Are these routinely unhealthy patterns you use or are they new unhealthy patters?  Put things into perspective – make time for what’s really important and plan only the family activities you think are right.  Let many of the other “incidentals” go.  You don’t have to be a super family or do everything.  Pick and choose a few favorites and enjoy them more.

-Set realistic expectations – Don’t expect summers to be perfect.  Teach yourself and family about what is achievable.  Have conversations with them about what makes it hard for them and what might they actually achieve.  Look at a schedule together and be realistic about what will fit.  Children often attempt to do too much.  They have a lifetime to accomplish their interests.  It all doesn’t have to happen this summer.  Take mini-breaks or even mini-day long trips instead of a huge vacation.  It might be cheaper and less stressful for all.

 -Find newer healthier ways to deal with your stress – Consider healthy alternatives such as walking, exercising, starting a fun project, spending quality time together at home.  Old unhealthy behaviors are sometimes hard to get rid of and difficult to change but don’t give up.  It takes multiples attempts to build new habits.  Don’t take many things on at once.  Change one small thing at a time and give yourself lots of rewards and credit.

 -Always ask for professional support – Accepting support from friends and family can improve your ability to succeed.  If you continue to feel overwhelmed, why suffer?  You may want to get some professional extra support and you deserve it.

The better you are at modeling new behaviors and dealing with stress in a more effective way, the better model you will be for your children also.  You and your family deserve a realistic less stressful time.

Good luck and let me know if these suggestions were helpful for you.